I just got back from a digital detox weekend in Tuscany where I spent 48 blissful, device-free hours. The ultimate goal of this particular retreat was to transform six stressed superwomen into zen superwomen.
Sound like a mission impossible? Well, I thought so, too. Fortunately Sandrine Kom is persistent — yet always gentle — and she challenged me to give it a whirl. I liked the idea of it, of really unplugging for a few days. The silence seduced me. I put my trust in her and signed up for the April 4-6 retreat. Best. Idea. Ever.
A highly anxious being, right after confirming, I was overcome with dread. It meant leaving behind all my instruments of work and play: my laptop, iPad, kindle, headphones and smart watch (I’m full on obsessed with my activity goals). I took my phone but shut it off shortly after arriving at our paradisiacal home base, Le Tassinaie. I know the mere concept of being so off the grid can be difficult for many to fathom, and I want to reassure you here by saying that I was the only one in our group that relinquished all ties to technology. Once I had committed, I promised myself I was going to take it seriously and to the extreme.
Breathing, Yoga, Workshops
I’m not going to delve into the details of the weekend in this post. I’d like future participants to experience the surprises and therefore will concentrate on how I felt before, during and immediately after.
Though I love and embrace technology, let’s not forget that I am a Gen Xer and have lived most of my life in analog. I really miss that freedom, and reconnecting with nature and myself without all the interference was something I was quite eager to do.
I already have a hate-hate relationship with my phone, its incessant notifications coming from every app, multiple WhatsApp group chats buzzing, time wasted on social media, and infinite voice messages, but I was genuinely worried about not speaking to my daughter and family, about missing something important or people needing me. However, once I had given Giada and Luca the number of where I was staying and set an auto-reply message on my phone, I let it all go. I rationalized that if an emergency message needs to get through, it gets through. If it did 30 years ago, it’ll get through today.
Truth be told, I hoped I’d sleep better and more. And while I nodded off and snored during our first evening session of Yoga Nidra, my sleep patterns remained unvaried throughout the weekend notwithstanding the increased —and for me different kind of— physical activity, extended time outdoors, sea air, meditation, intense workshopping and brainstorming. In those early morning hours I was able to locate a state of relaxation that I maintained through the weekend and that endures. Without the usual crutches, I got creative about utilizing that time. I put my newly acquired tools to use and lulled myself back to at least a dozing state. I tricked time by not looking at the digital travel clock I had brought with me, I read, listened to nature, and mulled over ideas. Slowly. The second morning I even willed myself back to sleep. At home on Monday morning I slept until almost 6, a small miracle. It’s been a mixed bag this week but good sleep is an ongoing project. The notion of time has really shifted for me. I’m not quite sure how else to verbalize it right now.
I Am a Child
That’s what it felt like at times, like retreating into sweet childhood moments. I didn’t have to think about cooking or tidying up. Away from my technology I was unable to work and was pampered and spoiled. Everything was scheduled and planned, but there was plenty of downtime. What a luxury only to have to worry about me, me, me. For 2 days straight. Heaven.
And then there were the things that really brought me back to a joyous place in my mind. The feeling of liberation while bicycling through a pine forest as your wheels crush the needles underneath, setting free a fragrance that clears your airways. The thrill of spotting the sea in the distance, a perfect blue on a perfect day, the smell and taste of salt and feel of the breeze on your skin, the first dip of the season in the freezing water, the sun warming you as you chat and nod off after a picnic lunch on the beach.
Remember how you felt after long days of play as a kid? That gratifying physical exhaustion, the thirst and hunger, the flush in your hot-to-the-touch cheeks?
The kind of tired that follows a day of frolicking and laughter in the sunshine.
Now and Zen
So what, you may ask, has changed in my daily life after so little time away from it? Quite a lot, actually. Here are just some preliminary after-effects of my digital detox:
While I have to be on social media, there is no escaping it, I can ration it. My current goal is to set aside limited time for posting and skimming on weekdays only and try to be social media-free on weekends and holidays.
When I returned to reality on Sunday afternoon I had no desire to check social media, texts or emails. I felt no need to do so because nothing felt so urgent anymore. Nothing feels that urgent anymore. It’s all manageable, it’s all going to get done. I don’t need to answer an email at 9:00 p.m. on a Sunday. I have time.
That first evening I found myself unable to focus on anything because I was too distracted by the nature outside my window. The way I was drawn to it was a physical need. I was captivated, unable to avert my gaze.
My morning routine has changed. I realized that a little breathing, meditation and gentle yoga go a long way for me. And while this might seem obvious to most, the biggest takeaway is that I learned how to breathe, I can breathe again, I am conscious of it, and listen to my body. I never, ever took heed in a serious way before. I have lived my life in tension up until now, always holding my breath, for what and why? That’s why this post is called oxygen.
Just as my breathing has become easier, I also now recognize how good it makes my body feel when I chant and sing and scream the warrior’s cry.
I feel balanced and grounded and like nothing can faze me. And this is only the beginning.